New Goals and Plans

I have been having a blast so far this spring/summer working out and running. It is certainly paying off physically too. I have been approached by numerous people at the gym who I do not know telling me how great I look and how I've been motivating them. What amazing things to hear!!

I've been super excited about the fact that I have signed up for my first half. While I'm outgoing, I'm not terribly amazing at asking for things (especially at work). I was telling Greg how I was thinking about asking the owner of the gym we go to if he'd sponsor me for the race if I wore one of his shirts with something about starting 2012 at 270 lbs and relatively inactive and look at me now running my first half. He said that he doesn't typically like to do stuff like that since he feels that he needs to do it across the board for everyone that asks, but he has noticed how great I've been doing, and that it is a great accomplishment and he will definitely be doing something for me. Greg thinks he might give us a month free membership (which is slightly more than the entry cost of the RnR half), so that would be a-ok in my book!

I've always been a long term planner and it's starting to come out now. I'm already forming goals for 2013, 2014, and 2015. Insane, I know, but it's who I am. There's also a chance it will change 5 times between now and then. So my current in-head timeline:


               Sept 2012: First Half-Marathon
               Aug 2013: First TriAthalon
               Jan 2014: First Marahon (fingers crossed)
               Oct 2015: Ironman

I know I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself. But it will definitely keep me focused and motivated.

The only problem I'm having is over doing it. I was EXHAUSTED this morning. Like my alarm went off and I was like my kids when they stay up too late. I was walking into everything. Too exhausted to keep my eyes open but I grabbed my running clothes and headed to the bathroom to start my routine. I could barely stand up straight on the scale. I headed back into bed and fell back asleep. I must have been tired because that NEVER happens. Once I'm up I'm up and nothing can get me back down. This is the first morning that I haven't been out the door to start my morning with a workout since the 13th. I know that it's ok to take a day off, but I'm having incredible self-loathing and guilt about not doing anything this morning. I passed three runners on my commute in and all it did was make things worse. I don't know how to not be a head case. Any pointers would be welcomed!!

In non-headcase news I made my first weight goal this week. I am officially 230 pounds! I've lost 40 since January. My next weight goal is to lose 15 more. Then I will be the weight that I was when I walked across stage to receive my high school graduation. What a thought!! I would love to make this goal by the time the half rolls around. I do think that this is entirely doable as it's just about 1 pound per week. After that I only have one more weight goal in mind. I'd like to end at 195. This takes me out of the obese bmi category (into overweight, but I don't want to be in normal range, I'd like to have more muscle mass than that). Greg and I both think that I ought to have the skin removal surgery when the time comes. I'm already nutty about how I look now. I was never self-concious before. My body (while large) was round and smooth. I didn't mind that. I do mind this droopy, wrinkled, old lady skin. I don't feel young looking at myself. I think planning wise, I'd be looking to do it after the Disney race in 2014. Then I'd get a few months of recovery and have about a year to train back up for the Ironman.

Sorry for the novel, but this is bound to happen when I don't get on enough for shorter more frequent updates!

Personal Milestones

Sometimes the small, personal milestones might be the sweetest. Greg and I will have been together for 10 years next week. It's crazy to think about. Desmond also happens to turn 4 that day. I can't believe that nearly half of our time spent together has been raising children. It seems like we were together for so long before having kids, but it seems like Des was only born yesterday. Time is flying way too fast.

When I started this on Jan 1, I was about 20-25 pounds heavier than I was the day I met Greg. Not anymore! After being together for 10 years, I can now say that I weigh the same as I did when we first met. That somehow means a lot to me. Granted, it certainly does not look the same. Though, I didn't expect it to after two surgeries. After reading so much bullshit about couples fighting or the men leaving because the women "let themselves go" will not be relevant to me. Phew! Not that I really thought it made a difference to him. He's always been super sweet no matter how heavy I had gotten.

So here I am now, the weight I was when I was 19. My inital goal weight of 230 is now just 18 pounds away. I have a feeling I will need to reasses, because even though I've lost 22 pounds so far, I'm in an 18 pants. I would like to be a 10 or 12, so I'm guessing I will need to lower the goal weight. If 10 pounds per size is in fact correct, I will need to be more in the 200-210 range. I will reassess once I make my goal. Hopefully that will be in a couple more months!

Inital Goals

So the last two times I've tried to run have been pretty bad - and it doesn't end when the run ends. When I wasn't able to finish the scheduled run the last couple times the disappointment seemed to follow me throughout the day putting me in a funk that would affect my work and my mood when I got home.

Today was scheduled to be my third time doing this same run (that I have not yet been able to complete in it's entirety). The last two attempts have ended in crazy panting, legs that feel like lead, and side stitches. I wasn't sure if I should just chalk this up to my time of the month but everything I've read makes me think I'm just trying to go faster than I'm really able.

Today I decided to try a slower pace. I still kept my warm-up and cool down at 3.5mph. But instead of running at a 10 minute mile pace I decreased it to a 10:54 minute mile. The walking parts in between the jogs I decided to bump down to 3.2mph (instead of keeping it at 3.5 like my warm-up/cool down). What a difference! There was no heavy panting, and while the last 20 seconds of the last jog really started to burn my legs, they certainly weren't lead. And best of all - I didn't feel the need to collapse in the locker room afterwards for 5-10 minutes before finding the energy to take a shower. Amazing!

I have to say at first I felt really guilty about slowing my pace. This is not what I wanted for myself when I started. I really wanted to keep it at a 10 minute mile, so when I finally transitioned to outside I wouldn't be upset when I would possibly go down to a 12 minute mile (it just looks so much harder outside - nothing to pull your feet under you and having to propel yourself forwards against wind certainly seems to slow things down in my mind). But what's the point of trying to push myself to do something I'm just not ready for? All I was doing was failing and than feeling miserable.

I think what I'm going to do now is stick with the slower paces. Once I start working up to where I can go a half hour jogging without taking walk breaks then I will focus on increasing my speed. I just need to remind myself that it is ok to take the time to reassess every few weeks and adjust accordingly.

I've already got my positive feeling back which is so much more motivating. This Sunday I'm increasing my jogging intervals from 3 minutes to 5 minutes with shorter breaks in between. Exciting!